Bed times....

Tonight is the 5th, yes I must say again... 5th Night that Layla has been put in her crib alone to go to sleep... I still must admit that although as I rock her for 15 or so minutes, I still feel terrible about having to put her in her crib alone :( It breaks my heart. Emotions aside though, for the past 3 nights it has only taken her 10-15 minutes to fall asleep ON HER OWN!!! :) I am a very happy mama. I really feel I should have done this sooner, but my connection with my baby was too strong. Thanks to the advice of someone near and dear to me, I have been strong and taken control. I am going to continue to push through and make this the routine. Dinner, bath, books, a nighttime feeding possibly, and bed. Slowly I am learning to let go, but we all know I will really never let go... :)

Happy Changes

This month has brought upon us, a desire for change, and as well unwanted changes and challenges. On a happier note I should make a list of some of the good fortunes that have come our way. As of today I have finished the 12.5 credits I needed to obtain my high school diploma. That means I have achieved something I have been trying to get for a long time. It might not sound like a lot, but I have been very upset with myself ever since I didn't graduate in 2004 with the rest of my class. The subjects that I disliked the most were the ones I had to finish, so I basically slugged my way through them the past six months. Thankfully I made it! Another wonderful thing is coming our way is my baptism into the Catholic religion. I always wanted to go through this process, I never knew how to. Doors opened and the opportunity came about and I ran with it. This nine month course has opened my eyes and I think although Easter time is coming close and the course will be over, the journey continues and that is something I cant wait to share with Layla as she gets older. I think the biggest change that is very new to Layla especially, is having to share me. Changes are inevitable, I just hope the changes that are coming about are changes that shape my future for the best. I am trying to avoid bumps and potholes in the road. Follow the light

Unhappy Changes

Patients is a virtue, or at least that's what they say. I am patiently waiting for Laylas teething to be over, or at least for there to be a break. I recently found myself deciding to cut down on the breast feeding, if not all of it, at least the day time feedings. Everything was going great, that is until I realized Layla is breaking teeth. Four to be exact! That decision came along with the decision to start putting Layla in her crib at bedtime. So many changes for this poor little angel. In addition to everything else I am sadly putting my baby through she has a runny nose on top of it. I personally hate being sick and I am not sure I know anyone who actually likes it. I feel for Layla but at the same time, I am unsure how to make it all go away. I have been working very hard at trying to maintain her pain and keep her nose wiped. I have also been giving in to her day time nursing as some form of comfort. With everything I do I continue to feel overwhelmed with all these feelings regarding if I am doing anything right. :( It breaks my heart but I continue to do what everyone has told me I should be doing. I really wish I could just keep her close to me at night in the security of my own personal bed. One day she won't want to cuddle with me and then will I regret letting her go so soon? I am being patient and hoping that at some point I will see the light. I am hoping for that feeling that I did the right thing. I am waiting for that sense of accomplishment and that Layla can be content with the decision I have chosen for her and she can happily go to bed alone, in her own crib. Patience