Sleep Sleep Sleep

I have been letting Layla sleep in her crib for almost a month now, and she is still not used to it. I usually put her for a nap around 11am which she doesnt want to go for so she cries and cries... Apparently I am supposed to let her cry herself to sleep, which I do. But it is soo hard. How can someone not feel the pain, guilt, and feel like a horrible parent! I don't get it. Its hard for me, but I put on a strong face. I know its even harder to always lay down with her and nurse her to sleep. I am done nursing! I try to put her for a nap around any where from 4-5 before dinner. Which of course, she doesn't like. I know she should be napping but she just fights it. :( Night time I have gotten a routine down, Music, one feeding, rocking, in the crib. She still continues to cry as soon as I lay her down in her crib. She is still waking up about 3 times a night. Its heart wrenching. Its been a month and why doesn't she understand or get it yet. Why is she continuing to fight it? Its been one thing after the other lately. I thought because she was teething that was the reason for her unhappy behavior but obviously I was wrong. I have cut down her nursing dramatically and she is pretty ok with that. She still grabs at my shirt but I can distract her. Now the new thing is not liking bath time. I am hoping at some point my unhappy baby gets happy because this is like a roller coaster gone wrong.

Bed times....

Tonight is the 5th, yes I must say again... 5th Night that Layla has been put in her crib alone to go to sleep... I still must admit that although as I rock her for 15 or so minutes, I still feel terrible about having to put her in her crib alone :( It breaks my heart. Emotions aside though, for the past 3 nights it has only taken her 10-15 minutes to fall asleep ON HER OWN!!! :) I am a very happy mama. I really feel I should have done this sooner, but my connection with my baby was too strong. Thanks to the advice of someone near and dear to me, I have been strong and taken control. I am going to continue to push through and make this the routine. Dinner, bath, books, a nighttime feeding possibly, and bed. Slowly I am learning to let go, but we all know I will really never let go... :)

Unhappy Changes

Patients is a virtue, or at least that's what they say. I am patiently waiting for Laylas teething to be over, or at least for there to be a break. I recently found myself deciding to cut down on the breast feeding, if not all of it, at least the day time feedings. Everything was going great, that is until I realized Layla is breaking teeth. Four to be exact! That decision came along with the decision to start putting Layla in her crib at bedtime. So many changes for this poor little angel. In addition to everything else I am sadly putting my baby through she has a runny nose on top of it. I personally hate being sick and I am not sure I know anyone who actually likes it. I feel for Layla but at the same time, I am unsure how to make it all go away. I have been working very hard at trying to maintain her pain and keep her nose wiped. I have also been giving in to her day time nursing as some form of comfort. With everything I do I continue to feel overwhelmed with all these feelings regarding if I am doing anything right. :( It breaks my heart but I continue to do what everyone has told me I should be doing. I really wish I could just keep her close to me at night in the security of my own personal bed. One day she won't want to cuddle with me and then will I regret letting her go so soon? I am being patient and hoping that at some point I will see the light. I am hoping for that feeling that I did the right thing. I am waiting for that sense of accomplishment and that Layla can be content with the decision I have chosen for her and she can happily go to bed alone, in her own crib. Patience

What Time Is It?

Tonight Layla decided as she has been the last week or so that bedtime isn't until 10:30. I would say it was later tonight though. As much as I love spending time with her I would like her to go to bed at a decent hour. This makes for her getting up later... Including me! It also makes my school work hard to get done so late at night. I am definitely hoping this is only temporary and will eventually die down back to a reasonable hour. I am thinking it may have something to do with the fact that since I have gotten out of church at 8:45 the last couple Thursdays she doesn't get to bed early on those nights which has completely switched her schedule. I love my Layla but I like the "Me" time I get after she gets to bed. :)