Last night was the last and final time I plan on nursing Layla... The night time ritual is generally, get ready for bed, turn on the music, turn on the night light and the projector that puts pictures on the ceiling and I will rock Layla and nurse her for anywhere from 10-30 minutes depending on how tired she is. Wellll... usually Layla will wake up 2-3 times a night if I let her cry it out... Most times I will just get her from her crib. The only problem to this is she will want to nurse through out the night. Not neccessarly to eat, but to pacify.

I have not slept a full night since Layla has been born.

So like most nights I managed to get in bed without Layla at about 12:30am. I probably got to sleep alone for maybe an hour. All of a sudden, she woke up! I picked her up from her crib and brought her to my bed. Unlike most nights

I didn't let her nurse. She wasn't having it.

Layla pretty much kept me up all night. She would cry, and cry, and cry. Sometimes I would peek at her to see if she had passed out since she was so quiet.

She would just be looking at her night light.

At about 6:30am I had probably had about one hour of sleep. She woke up again. It was light out by now, and I'm thinking, there is no way this baby is going back to sleep.

She did!

She slept for a bit longer after much crying. No nursing on my part. I am super determined to be done! Layla wakes up and I take her downstairs for breakfast. I would think that because I haven't nursed that she would be super hungry and want to eat ALL breakfast.

Once again I was wrong. :(

By 11:30am it is clear this baby needs a nap. I decided the night before to give her a bottle... yes I know.... but I am thinking maybe it will comfort her... So I get her a bottle which, I know she knows it doesn't replace me, so she refuses to use it... I take her upstairs and try to rock her to sleep. She just wants to nurse. So I lay her in her crib without nursing and she cries. Cries cries cries. So far, I am almost to the point I want to cry. Of course by now I have made it to the nearest Starbucks... oh how I needed you. So I do feel better, but nothing can fix the feeling of how hopeless you feel about not being able to just fix this issue and make everything better. I just want a happy baby who will eat her food and sleep through the night..

Is that too much to ask?

So all in all this has been a very hard first night without nursing. I am hoping by the end of this week everything will have gotten a little easier. Not to mention, what my girls are going through...

Stay tuned!

Baby Bucket List

Everyone has them.
I have mine.
Now I am putting it down on paper. :)
Some will consist of Layla participating.
And some are just personal things...
I want to do

In no specific order:

1. Skydive
   
2. Leave flowers on someones door.
3. Backpack in another country.
4. Write my name in cement on a public sidewalk
   
5. Drive a monster truck
6. Visit Disney Land with Layla now that I'm a mom
7. See the Grand Canyon up close and personal with my Layla bug
8. Receive flowers for no reason
   
9. Learn how to change a tire
10. Become an electrician
11. Slow dance under the stars
12. Figure out how to use my camera properly
    
13. Learn how to snow board
14. Stay in a hut along the water
15. Travel the jungle
16. See a tornado
    
17. Gamble in Vegas
18. Meet a U.S. president
19. Swim with the dolphins
    
20. Go to France and Italy
21. Ride in a helicopter
    
22. Get a full body massage
    
23. Own a beach house
24. Learn how to shoot a gun
25. Introduce two people who get married
26. Watch the sun rise
27. See the great wall of china
28. Go on a hot air balloon ride
29. Volunteer at an orphanage
30. Go white water rafting
31. Give a total stranger 100.00
32. Go on a cruise
33. Donate blood
34. See an penguin up close and personal
35. Get married to someone I love
    
36. Go to New York City
37. Ride a camel
38. Kiss someone on New Years Eve
39. Over come my fear of insects
40. Go to a concert
41. Have a library in my house
42. Shower in a waterfall
43. Experience Oktoberfest
44. Learn CPR
45. Adopt a puppy from a shelter
46. Have my own farm
47. Build a house
48. See the Pope
49. Visit the Vatican
50. Be kissed on top of a ferris wheel
51. crash a wedding
52. make someone elses dream come true
53. participate in a riot
54. Sleep in the middle of a field
55. Zip line
56. Swim in a public fountain
57. watch the launch of a space shuttle
58. Have a food fight
59. touch an ice burg
60. photocopy my butt with a photocopier
61. Get hypnotized
62. Go whale watching
63. Learn how to be a really great cook
64. Go wine tasting
65. Learn how to scuba dive
66. Ride a train overnight
67. Be a train conductor
68. Pet a tiger
69. Make a difference in at least one persons life
70. Go for 24 hours without speaking
71. See the Hollywood sign in person
72. Get a tour of somewhere "haunted"
73. Visit Alcatraz
74. See the statue of liberty
    
75. Go to a nude beach
76. stay in a log cabin
77. learn how to bar-tend
78. be able to do the splits
79. Win something in the lottery... even if its just $1
80. Go to a gay wedding
81. own over 100 pairs of shoes
82. get my green card
83. get my palm read
84. smoke a Cuban cigar
85. Have someone fall in love with me
86. Learn another language
87. Invent something
    
88. Ride a horse bare back
89. Learn how to surf
    
90. Watch a surgery being preformed live
91. Watch one of those "late comedy shows" live
92. Stay the night on the Queen Mary
93. Do a polar bear swim, even if I only last 5 seconds
94. Watch a live magic show
95. Ride the roller coasters in Los Vegas
96. Be alive to see the first woman president
97. watch my daughter graduate from college
98. Play golf
    
99. Sit on a jury
100. Be on a reality game show or reality show

What will be on your list?

Loungin

Slides Of Fun!

Another day at the park isn't always what it seems.
Thinking we would come play, swing and slide turned out to be about 90% slide.
Layla is big enough now to ride the slides without me worrying about her going down and landing on her face.
Right now seems to be the perfect time for the park, its not too hot and definitely not too cold. I'm loving this weather.
Layla still doesn't like grass so I don't have to worry about her running off too far.

She points to all different things, like trucks, cars, boys, girls, and dogs.

Layla is definitely becoming more aware of her surroundings and I love it!

She makes me laugh and as much as a 1st time mother should worry, I don't. I have my mother that does enough worrying for the both of us.
To finish our park time I decided to get Layla an ice cream. It doesn't look so bad
in the pictures, but it was ten times WORSE lol...
I had to take her dress off that was dripping in ice cream.
One question,
Does your baby poo in blue?
Mine does!

Yes, the days at the park are fun, and relaxing. Layla definitely loves those days!

Paint Expressions

So I defintly used to be one of those moms who trys to keep their kid in a bubble. Protect them from all bacteria, DONT PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH, Please don't touch that, and I definitly don't want YOU holding my baby. Yeah, that kind of mom. As Layla gets older I have let go of alot of things, (at least I'd like to think so). Of course I still protect her from things like ya know my moms ciggerette smoke, I chase dogs that come our way

with her plastic chair, all while Screaming my head off.

Not to mention spiders and insects, including bees. I usually leave running and screaming in the other direction. All while Layla sits there with no clue as to why

her mother is nuts! Yes I protect my daughter but as she gets older seems like she is protecting ME.

So when ever I get the chance to be a daring and fearless kind of mother, I take it. I seize the moment where I can be brave and take risks. Thats what life is about right?!

My risk of the week.....

Letting Layla paint on paper! Yes I usually use those color wonder markers because I dont have to worry about what she chooses to color on.

Or the fact that she might stain her new shirt. Yes that already happened with blueberries

Well needless to say it didn't take long before Layla happily colored the paper and then herself!

Well I didn't stop her! Because I am a fearless and exciting mother who can handle it all.

With the help of a much needed bath afterwards!

Be daring, because life is so boring otherwise!

Kisses!

Layla finally gives kisses!
For the longest time she wouldn't!
I love my Layla Bug!

Spring Time!

With flowers in bloom, days getting longer, and the suns rays upon our skin, it is dawning on me that not only is the season changing, but so is Layla. Layla is now 17 months old and not too long ago did she just learn how to walk! Can you imagine, my daughter not only picky with what she eats, but also stubborn!! NO WAY! She still stumbles here and there but now that she is so confident with her walking ability, she attempts to climb up the stairs STANDING UP! She makes it 99.99% of the time, although she has had a couple tumbles down the stairs. Yes I know I should be watching her. I guess I don't worry as much as my Mother... Now if I can only get her to walk on grass everything would be great! I believe that steams from myself having a lack of interest of sand. I absolutly HATE the feeling of dry sand against my skin. So we have finally achieved rolling over, crawling, and walking... Apparently learning how to drive is next!

The Big Day!

After 9ish long months I made it. Well almost. I knew once I had a baby I would want him or her baptized. Since the only faith I knew was Catholic. That is the path that was most obvious. In order to achieve my daughter being baptized, I myself had to take a personal journey to get where I am today. At first when I heard the class would be 9 months I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. Apparently though most Catholic churches require 2-3 years and is much more in depth. Although I am now baptized along with Layla I know there is so much more to come and learn. This is a life decision, one I am sooo happy I can share with my baby. I will learn and be able to teach her and I am sure she will learn and teach me. Along with her god parents as well. Especially Laylas god mother who without her most likely would not have been able to pull it off... She helped with preparing the BBQ and everything else that came our way. I couldn't ask for a better support system in my life as well as Layla's. I want Layla to have faith in her life. It has always been a struggle for me and although I am not perfect, I know can better better judgments for the things I do and say. It is hard but I know I have God on my side now and he will always steer me in the right direction. As long as I listen. :) Layla had such a long day, from last minute running around, to the BBQ and then home to get ready and back to the church for 7:15. Mass was at 8pm and lasted for about 3 hours. I have such a trooper. When Layla was starting to break down from her tiredness, I started to lose it too. I was so worried about Layla being able to stick it through. But she did, tears and all. When I look back at the whole experience, I am thankful. I have learned so much and gained so much. Knowledge, friends, and faith. I would do this over in heart beat no questions asked. I also know now I have given a wonderful gift to my baby. I couldn't ask for more.

Mommy & Baby

My Angel

The wonderful God Parents

Eddie & Liz Pollizo

Easter!

This Easter started out, as lazy day. Recovering from the baptism and everything that had drained out from me and Layla. We slept in, not too late... Layla and I woke up to the excitement that every years brings for myself, although she doesn't quite understand Easter means alot of things, and of course, Easter baskets. This year I decided to get Layla a little basket, but also her first bike(pictures to come of that) For some reason I forgot to take a picture of this shiny pink Radio Flyer tricycle! Everytime she seems a little boy or girl on a bike she goes nuts! So she opened all her little gifts, def. loved the new p.j.s grandma and grandpa got her. They always find special gifts for their granddaughter. We got ready for the day, and some yummy food and off to the park we went a little easter egg hunt. My brother his girlfriend and my nephew joined us for the day which is always nice. Then it was off to bed early to continue to recover!